I’m going to take a one week break from my series on becoming a hero to your child or grandchild. This morning at 6am I am undergoing a procedure to install a patch to repair a hole in my heart. No…this isn’t a metaphorical hole caused by Karen dumping me for some other man. How do I know? Well, she’s with me at the hospital and she’s the most loyal person I know.
I found out that 1 out of 5 people are born with a hole in their heart. My hole is small and under normal conditions, my doctor said he would just leave it alone. He believes though that the hole in my heart might be the cause of the stroke I suffered back in September.
The hole is located in the muscle which separates two valves in my heart. He will use two Frisbee shaped devices to close up the hole. The surgeon will poke one hole in each leg around my groan, oops, I mean groin. He will then toss, uhh, insert the Frisbees into a vein in each leg and play Frisbee football all the way up into my heart. They will unite at the hole and hopefully seal it up.
Do you ever listen to pharmaceutical commercials on TV promoting a certain pill you should take. Their pill is a wonder drug. It will improve the quality of your life. Oh, by the way, there might be a few side effects you should be aware of such as: dizziness, headaches, muscle aches, nausea, sore throat, constipation, diarrhea, bloating, trouble swallowing, trouble breathing, trouble walking, deafness, blindness, sleeplessness, and a possibility of death. Other than that, it’s a miracle drug.
Yeah, there are a few minor risks with the surgery but what the heck…it might prevent another stroke. By the way…that stroke was a blessing in disguise. Because of all the tests I underwent, not only did they discover the hole in my heart, they discovered an artery that’s 70% blocked. Yipee!!! So a few weeks after getting the hole in my heart fixed, I’ll go back in to pop open that artery…that’s assuming that I’m still alive by then of course.
From a man fast approaching the age of 60 to all of you young whipper- snappers still in their 20’s and 30’s, heed my advice. My doctor told me the build up of plaque in my artery wasn’t necessarily from poor eating habits over the last few years. No…much of the plaque began setting up camp forty-years ago. So put down that corn-dog and fill your plate full of Brussel sprouts and broccoli.
I would appreciate all your prayers as I spend a night in the luxury hotel known as Providence Hospital. Yes…you will all be envious while I am pampered by their 5 star service. I’ll dine on their fine cuisine while lounging in their revealing, open-in-the-back jammies. Tonight, once every two hours, I’ll be wakened by cheery staff looking to meet my every need. What more could a man want?
Thanks again for your prayers and next week I’ll get back to building a lasting legacy for your family.